A Musing

Recently I have strange thoughts in my head.
About men and women,
and this world.

About how much men really control
and dominate
the reality of women,
even though they don't know
or can't see
or understand.
Men are everywhere,
controlling everything.

And even in the way we speak
and act towards women,
even we, men, don't really understand what we are doing
when we try to control our women
with love
or violence.

Still we try to control,
and I wonder if even basic sexual intercourse
is a kind of
domination or
by men?

We push ourselves inside the woman
to reach our orgasm.
Women can often be just a kind of hole
or meat.
It's quite crazy,
quite serious.

Men grow up and learn to use women,
and women grow up and accept being used,
but this recently seems quite
to me.

I could see this
around me
in other people's talk
and actions
and I wonder how much I
am this kind of victim
and victimizer
of women?

Because it's impossible to know
it's like being sealed inside a cardboard box
and not knowing the outside
even though I can see through a crack
to some wisdom
I'm still inside
this paper prison.

I don't know how to describe my feeling, really.
Not upset,
not frustrated.
Just kind of
to know this.
Maybe disappointed
is the best word.

Well, it's strange.

I read some extreme viewpoint
from a feminist
who is really against
"penis into vagina" sex.
She felt that putting a penis into her vagina was a kind of violation
of her womanhood.
An attack
into a woman's body.
And men who just have sex this way,
attacking a woman's vagina,
even if she’s tired
or sore
she accepts this
to make the man feel good.
So she sacrifices some of herself
to let the man have his pleasure.
It’s not preposterous, I think
in some cases
this may be true
for many men who aren’t aware.
But also
those women who have adapted a position of abstinence,
they understand it,
and accept it,
because of their experience
with those kind of men.

as an excuse
to avoid sex.
Because some women don't like sex, just naturally
or maybe from some trauma?
So it's a good way
to say "I don't like sex because it's man's domination of my body"
as an excuse.

on the other side,
I see women
who love sex
and know how to balance it
in their lives,
and have good partners
or even
more extreme levels
like female “adult entertainers”
who make money
and careers
from such activity.

Could they agree with the extreme feminist’s ideas?
No way, I think.
They are on the opposite end of the spectrum.
But even in balance,
in the center,
still the world around is dominated by men
and pressure to please men
implanted within many women's minds.
It's why so much rape
and sexual harassment
and bad relationships
can continue?
I think so, anyway.

But maybe like I was,
when I was a teenager,
hunting for the girl
to put my penis inside,
to feel that and
somehow to win,
to get the girl.

I didn't think about her feelings.
I only wanted to satisfy myself.
This is maybe a man's basic disposition.
Or anyway it was my youthful disposition.
From media,
or family,
or something, maybe society?
But I got a tiny bit of wisdom,
to give women more.
To think their pleasure
more important than mine
and get my pleasure from that.
Well it was better, I think.

But I never thought too much about "the world".
I mean not like now, these strange thoughts in my head.
We are in a strange time now, I think.
I mean "we" as humans.
People are tired of their poor lives.
And women are tired of men's control.
But there’s so much power arrayed against these people.
Really, impossible to challenge levels of power.
They can fight,
even try revolution,
but they’re not organized enough.
They will die
in this strange world.

I'm not unhappy, not really.
Because I can see my way,
so I'm lucky?
The person who can't see their way
through these crazy systems
of politics and society
they must be so lost
and afraid.
And so we get revolution,
and strange psychology.
People trying to find reasons
where there are none.
I think the only choice is to survive,
because the only other option is to die.
Or live a life like death,
no passion or ambition or hope,
just fear
and anger.
So much of this I can see now.

And so I have strange thoughts in my head.

2023.01.06 – 2023.10.25

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