May 2023

Month 152 Report

Three Hundred and Sixty-Five

It has been a year since my last livestream, and I’m convinced that that was the best decision I have made since quitting game development in 2015. The results are measurable: my physical health is near what it was twenty years ago, my mental clarity is such that I can sit and read or write for hours, I have progressed through the first level of a French language program and, most importantly, my love for video games has returned.

I would like to thank the few associates from Twitch who have continued to livestream for reinforcing my move away. Of the dozens of affiliated and partnered ‘streamers who were members of my channel, the handful who have continued to broadcast are still wallowing in misery. They devote hours of their lives every week to entertaining tiny audiences for pennies. There is nothing wrong with this if a person can justify the use of time as more valid than any other, such as self-improvement. I cannot do this. And the hours I have saved since shelving the activity have rewarded me far more than any I ever spent talking to the wall while live on Twitch.

If you are an aspiring livestreamer, I beg you to think long and hard about devoting your precious life essence to the pursuit. I hope that you are aware that you are gambling with your time, and that the odds are stacked against you. Unless you have a godly personality, world-class gaming skills, or something utterly unique to offer, you will never rise above the handful of people who use you for second-grade mental health therapy and surrogate companionship. The work you do to build an audience will never translate into anything, much like the social circles that develop around drug and alcohol addictions. I pray that you won’t end up as I did: having spent thousands of precious hours on a lost cause and sunk deep in a pit that takes months of concerted effort to crawl out of. But know that if you do, it is possible to get back on track. I did it at age forty-seven.

TV Party Tonight

My wife and I have been watching Silo and Drops of God on Apple TV. So far, Silo has managed to steadily disappoint me with each new episode. It’s a shame, because I thought that if anyone could do justice to Hugh Howey’s dystopian epic, it would be Apple. The production is as lavish as I have come to expect from them, but the writing falls flat. It is fortunate, then, that Drops of God is astonishingly good. It could be that it gives me an opportunity to practice my nascent French skills, while reminding me of the lost Japanese ones, but the story is fantastic in its complexity and the actors all breathe vivid life into the characters they play. It is rare that a movie or television series keeps me guessing, and Drops has had me consistently puzzled and intrigued from the beginning.

Sanctuary on Netflix is the best thing I have watched this year. It’s a traditional sports drama: overconfident protagonist has their ego checked, learns a bunch of stuff about life, and makes a heroic comeback. But the sport here is sumo, and the audience is treated to a rare and raw look into that centuries-old tradition. The writing is unflinching, and the actors deliver the story with honesty and passion. I highly recommend this series, and it is easily bingeable.


There are a lot of things I would like to accomplish this summer. Last summer, the goal was to read enough foundational literature to get the best value out of a reading of Goethe’s Faust. I didn’t achieve that one, and it remains on a to-do list somewhere. I’ll note the new tasks here and check in again in a month to see how much progress I’ve made.

Eight items, one hundred and three days, and zero excuses. See you in a month.


Next: June 2023
Previous: April 2023