“What you do is, you approach them with supreme confidence. Straight back, chin up, shoulders square. No hunching over, no slumping or slouching. Like an iron rod, yeah? You approach them with real force. You give whoever’s the most important person in front of you a good, straight, firm handshake. Just a few pumps, don’t overdo it. And while you’re in the middle of the shake you look them straight in the eye and say: ‘I’m Tony Jones’.”

“But my name’s not Tony Jones.”

“That doesn’t matter. You do all that, and you wait a beat while they’re standing there, looking at you, caught in your magnificent grip. Then you drop them a little wink and say, ‘no relation’.”

“No relation? But of course I’m not related! Like I just told you, that ain’t even my real name.”

“And like I told you, that doesn’t matter. We’re talking about establishing presence here, my friend, and it’s mostly theatrics. Entertainment. They hear this good, strong, American name and then they wonder who the hell it is you think they might think you’re not related to.”

2014.09.21 – 2023.05.17

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